test

 

clever

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman"s electronic hair dryer for my Mother"s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I"m afraid they"ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

popeye

hanger

doormats

garbage pin

last will

Samuel Bratt used his will simply to get even. His wife never allowed him to smoke his favorite cigars. When he died in 1960, the embittered Bratt returned the favor. He left her £330,000. To get it, however, she had to smoke five cigars a day.

(Link | Photo)

smile

irony

"Reliability ...always upholding the highest standards for every detal"
Oh, the irony!

hunter

friday 13th

Bud dog

Beer - Bud Light - No Dog

La linea

La Linea 110

another good vid

Madonna BMW "Star"

Radiohead - great vid

Radiohead - Just

After-office tie

After Office Tie by Argentina's ��Sinapsis�� studio, a good idea, a tie with a bottle opener built into the bottom of it. It will be exhibited at London��s Institute of Contemporary Arts from September 30th to October 4th.

just for pun

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Sick

I need a syptom for my diagnosis!

The pirate

This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"
And the pirate says...
Aaargh, yes, and it's driving me nuts!!

---

how much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
a buccaneer

mad max

perspectives

some pics

The Economy Is So Bad...

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Jewish women are marrying for love.

HotWheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, AIG and Citigroup.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico .

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

And finally…

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Hey, great idea … the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear…




Quote of the day (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

• How do you define an optimist? A bank manager who irons 5 shirts on Sunday night.
• I went to buy a toaster and it came with a bank.
• A man went to his bank manager and said, 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?'
  'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
• What's the difference between an investment banker and a pizza Margherita? A pizza Margherita can feed a family of five.
• A director decided to award a prize of £50 for the best idea of saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to £10.

more..

1. The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market. - Jay Leno
2. The economy is in big trouble. Yesterday in a big speech, President Bush said the economy was still getting over the hangover from the 90's. And then, the President admitted, he was still getting over his hangover from the 80's.—Conan O'Brien
3. A suited man, an investment banker, is striding along a road in the countryside and he comes across a shepherd and with his flock of sheep. Being a gambler, he tells the shepherd, 'I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.'
   
   The shepherd thinks it over, it's a huge flock so he accepts the bet.
   '261,' says the banker.
   
   The shepherd is astonished because the figure is exactly correct. He says, 'OK, I'm a man of my word, take a sheep.' The investment banker selects one of the animals and begins to walk away.
   
   'Wait,' yells the shepherd, 'Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.' The banker agrees readily.
   
   'You are a government investment banker,' says the shepherd.
   'Good grief!' splutters the banker, 'You are exactly right, tell me, how did you deduce that?'
   
   'Easy,' says the shepherd, 'give me back my sheep dog, and I will tell you.'
4. 'Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word — Goodbye,' says Guy.
5. The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.

• If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China
• If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs
• If we purchase a computer it will go to India
• If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala
• If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan
• If we purchase something useless it will go to Taiwan........whoops, sorry...............................
  and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer and cigarettes, since these are the only products still produced in the USA.

my steak

If your meats always stole by your friends, you will love this tool - BBQ Branding Iron. The BBQ Branding Iron(GBP
15; June 2009) allows you to brand your message(or your name) on your
meat. You can customize two lines of letters, lock them and shove the
iron in the barbie. Then hot brand your meat�C phsstt! Use it on steaks, chops, chicken, burgers or even (gasp!) tofu. A good idea, I love it!

crunch

It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, although the holiday season is in full swing, it is raining so there is no business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt.

Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.

The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes E100.

The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.

The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay E100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.

The farmer triumphantly gives the E100 note to the carpenter who had built his fence on credit.

The carpenter goes quickly to the hotel, as he owed the hotel for the use of an hourly room for 'meeting certain friends'.

At that moment, the rich Russian comes down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his E100 back and departs.

There was no business done and no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the town people look optimistically towards their future.

COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO THE Global Financial Crisis?

Or, is there a catch here? :)

fail

busted (click pic)

pun-fun

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A set of jump leads walk into a bar.
The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:
'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
'Does this taste funny to you ?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common ?'
'Well, It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ?
A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft.
It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,
And were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to
Disperse.
'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
Which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
He suffered from bad breath.

This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ...
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

good job

Liquidity

Liquidity is when you look
at your retirement funds
and wet your pants.

hmmm

got the t-shirt