The Economy Is So Bad...

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Jewish women are marrying for love.

HotWheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, AIG and Citigroup.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico .

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

And finally…

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Hey, great idea … the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear…




Quote of the day (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

• How do you define an optimist? A bank manager who irons 5 shirts on Sunday night.
• I went to buy a toaster and it came with a bank.
• A man went to his bank manager and said, 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?'
  'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
• What's the difference between an investment banker and a pizza Margherita? A pizza Margherita can feed a family of five.
• A director decided to award a prize of £50 for the best idea of saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to £10.

more..

1. The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market. - Jay Leno
2. The economy is in big trouble. Yesterday in a big speech, President Bush said the economy was still getting over the hangover from the 90's. And then, the President admitted, he was still getting over his hangover from the 80's.—Conan O'Brien
3. A suited man, an investment banker, is striding along a road in the countryside and he comes across a shepherd and with his flock of sheep. Being a gambler, he tells the shepherd, 'I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.'
   
   The shepherd thinks it over, it's a huge flock so he accepts the bet.
   '261,' says the banker.
   
   The shepherd is astonished because the figure is exactly correct. He says, 'OK, I'm a man of my word, take a sheep.' The investment banker selects one of the animals and begins to walk away.
   
   'Wait,' yells the shepherd, 'Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.' The banker agrees readily.
   
   'You are a government investment banker,' says the shepherd.
   'Good grief!' splutters the banker, 'You are exactly right, tell me, how did you deduce that?'
   
   'Easy,' says the shepherd, 'give me back my sheep dog, and I will tell you.'
4. 'Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word — Goodbye,' says Guy.
5. The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.

• If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China
• If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs
• If we purchase a computer it will go to India
• If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala
• If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan
• If we purchase something useless it will go to Taiwan........whoops, sorry...............................
  and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer and cigarettes, since these are the only products still produced in the USA.

my steak

If your meats always stole by your friends, you will love this tool - BBQ Branding Iron. The BBQ Branding Iron(GBP
15; June 2009) allows you to brand your message(or your name) on your
meat. You can customize two lines of letters, lock them and shove the
iron in the barbie. Then hot brand your meat�C phsstt! Use it on steaks, chops, chicken, burgers or even (gasp!) tofu. A good idea, I love it!

crunch

It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, although the holiday season is in full swing, it is raining so there is no business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt.

Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.

The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes E100.

The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.

The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay E100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.

The farmer triumphantly gives the E100 note to the carpenter who had built his fence on credit.

The carpenter goes quickly to the hotel, as he owed the hotel for the use of an hourly room for 'meeting certain friends'.

At that moment, the rich Russian comes down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his E100 back and departs.

There was no business done and no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the town people look optimistically towards their future.

COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO THE Global Financial Crisis?

Or, is there a catch here? :)

fail

busted (click pic)